I often heard my single friends condemn Valentine's Day each February. This statement was usually followed by the conspiracy theory that consumerism has fueled the card companies' plan to take over the world. While the romance in my life may have faded a bit, my belief in this holiday has not. And I'll have you know I do not buy cards-well, rarely. Shelby and I have spent this year painting and gluing and taping Valentine's. I have made a Valentine for John every year that I've known him. Maybe my mother is to blame for this because she infallably recognized this holiday for her kids. A little trinket, some candy, a pair of socks. Every year I awoke with giddy anticipation of the little box or frilly bag she'd leave on the kitchen counter for each of us to find after she'd left for work. I want to do that for my girls. HOLD THE F&$?!ING PHONE! IT'S 11:00 PM and I'm still hanging paper hearts and streamers in my living room. DAMN MY MOTHER for setting such flipping high standards! This Valentine needs some shut-eye. All these homemade cards are a friggin joke, all those valentines I mentioned above? Shelby and I made TEN last week together. Now, there's about 35 MORE to mass produce tonight. I'm all hopped up on candy hearts. Holy SH&$! Next year, I'm buying stock in Hallmark.