The Dullest Edge

The after weekend tell-all was bland, tasteless, and lacked juicy details. One night in Santa Barbara, unlimited shopping, 3 restaurants, two hotel rooms, countless bags brimming with retail treasures, 7 mommies gone wild, and more mindless chatter than most anyone (else) could handle. How could you go wrong???? "So, what really happened?" asked my friend, Amelia. She spent the weekend tending to her sick family at home instead of A-ttending our girls' trip. She continued, "The details in all of your follow-up emails left nothing to go on. Either it was a total disappointment or something crazy happened and no one's talking. Give it up." I recapped the weekend in as many details as I could, which resulted in a fairly luke warm dish of dirt. Arriving at the end of my tale I concluded, "It really was a perfect night. Enough shopping, enough talking, enough drinking and dancing, and not enough sleeping." I mused, "How much more perfect could you get?" Well, actually, there was this one weekend a few years back... at the time, it wasn't, but it is now, the Legacy Tale of Mommies Gone Wild, On Location in San Francisco. Fortunately (or un-, depending on who's counting), I wasn't there. But THAT after weekend tell-all left any listener on the edge of her seat, shaking with laughter, doubled over in sympathy, and green with both disgust and envy. How could any weekend afterwards compare? Let's just say that there were four mommies, many cocktails, even more shots, public emotional outbursts complete with buckets of tears, even more public vomiting, a few enraged cab drivers, and finally, just when the party really got started, paramedics, barf bags and a breast pump. Any questions? I suppose you could say that this year, Mommies Gone Wild, On Location in Santa Barbara, was a fair disappointment. A few cocktails, a few skinny dippers, a few hangovers. Could it be that age has dulled our wild side? Is it possible we've lost our edge? How could a few more babies, and subsequently a few more breast pumps (activated every 4 to 5 hours), slow us down?
My name is Gabrielle. I am a 31 year old mother of two. MY MISSION: To redeem myself as a Mommy Gone Wild.
.....Guess I'll just have to wait until next year.

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