MTV Crib

I'm Back! And yes, I've traveled to infinity and beyond, fallen from the face of the earth, and clawed my way back from the depths of insanity. Dare I digress? The abridged version goes something like this: What do you get when you put two brothers and their opinionated wives (one of which: yours truly) in one ginormous tasting room and ask for a complete makeover in less than 3 days? Answer: Heated banter, followed by disagreements, followed by a round of designer's challenge gone caddy, a few rounds of beer, more banter, persuasion, frustration, mind numbing drunkenness and finally, results. All the excitement occurred in Paso Robles where we worked, drank, bantered, and successfully ignored our children so as to accomplish the daunting task at hand (thanks to 8 hour care from Mimi). The family and I crashed at an old barn up the road from the scene of the crimes. A place I once lived just after college, where life was simple, exciting, and Saturdays were meant for hangovers and lazy breakfast dates. It seems like yesterday when my place was the upstairs loft above a garage full of tractors and other farm machinery. Now "my place" is a crisp clean master suite and the tractors gave way to wood plank floors with a full kitchen and living room. We rather enjoyed our taste of country living. Shelby "the exhibitionist" was most comfortable. We walked through the vineyards, chased a lizard out of the kitchen, ate our dinners under the stars and observed the bizarre behavior of country folk in their natural habitat (quads, cowboy hats, and giant trashcans on wheels, get the picture?). But my adventurous hiatus did not end there. I returned home to greet our babysitter and venture off to Hearst Castle with John as my copilot. WARNING: Unabashed bragging to follow. Do not read if you are prone to jealousy! First off, we rolled through the gates in our own car and drove to Hearst's Crib like absolute rock stars. When we arrived to the event, an hour early (because John lies about event times so he can hedge his bets against female disasters like the infamous clothing crisis), we slipped around the gardens unnoticed by security guards busied with preparations. Next thing I know, John and I step out onto W.R.'s Outdoor Pool (Neptune?) overlooking the entire coastline. Just me, John, and a few nude Italian marble statues, chillin' by the pool. Wha'd UP?! And yes, skinnydipping DID cross our minds.

We spent the next hour walking in and out of outdoor patios and balconies, peeking in windows, sitting under gigantic gold leaf water fountains, and pretty much owning the place with no one else in sight! It was unreal. The rest of the evening paled in comparison, although it did include dinner at Robin's and a midnight police chase (we did the chasing, by the way, but I'll save that one for another post).
I've missed the blog world and am happy to be back. Glad we're all caught up! I promise to regularly share my embarrassing moments, offensive opinions and idiocy on a much more regular basis from today onward.

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