8/28/08

Tech Trouble

Aside from my usual hangups, me and my technology haven't been getting along. Let me explain:
The year we moved into our beach house, and rendered ourselves broker than broke, I pined for an iPod. Christmas came and went and I was still drooling over iPods. Last year, by some miracle, I financed an iPod in September and had it paid off in time to present it to my uninterested husband for Christmas. "Merry Christmas!! Here's my new, I mean YOUR new iPod!"
John eventually warmed up to it on his early morning commute with full control of his musical playlists and I spent my evenings lovingly adoring our iPod whenever I had the chance.
Last week I had the good fortune to have the iPod in my car! The girls and I ran errands through San Luis Obispo rocking out to Phoenix and The Rolling Stones. The next morning, the iPod went missing. The car tuner was plugged in to my dashboard but the cradle was empty. Someone robbed my cradle!! Someone took my iPod!!! Never mind the fact that I am pretty sure I left it alone in the Costco parking lot in an unlocked vehicle.
It's no surprise that I haven't recovered from the loss one week later. I want to run right out and buy a replacement but I'm afraid I will be too careless with it again. Instead, I've subjected myself to another stretch of iPod-less life while drooling over every technologically blessed passerby. So, now that I've realized that EVERYONE has an iPod(except me)-why on earth do they get stolen? I reasoned that they've become the new cel phone. When cel phones first came out they were a big ticket item that proved valuable for thieves or "bad apples" (as we call them in toddler land) to steal. But honestly, WHO has their cel phone stolen these days? Why? They come free with a signed 2 year contract to the Phone Devil! Homeless people have cel phones.
So having recently acquired an iPod I thought I was on the tail end of this novel technological treasure. EVERYONE has iPods. WHO has their iPod stolen? Homeless people have iPods. Apprently, one "bad apple" needed an iPod more than me. (I hope his soul is rotting in his chest, I hope he feels sick to his stomach everytime he plays my Waifs Album, you evil homewrecker you!! May Karma come to call, bastard!)
Then my cel phone took a milk bath and never recovered. When I marched into the Verizon store to plead my case with the full intent of walking out with a beautiful, shiny new phone, I didn't expect to meet the "No No Man". But, he was there, waiting for me and every time I suggested a phone he replied with, "No no, that's not how it works." OR "No no, you're not eligible for these phones until February." OR "No no, you can't do that. You have to file an insurance claim to get a REPLACEMENT phone." I HATE the No No Man. And I STILL don't have a cel phone!
I left the Verizon store in a less than good mood and decided to cheer myself up with a car wash. This is heaven for my oldest child, who LOVES the colored soap suds and the whirling brushes. Apparently, my youngest child (I learned) does NOT find the car wash appealing. At all. In fact, it makes her scream. A lot.
When I pulled out of the car wash I'm pretty sure my hair was on fire and I'd aged 23 years. Shelby was screaming at the screamer and the little baby screamer looked traumatized for life. I stepped out of the vehicle to gather my thoughts and that's when I saw it. The perfect end to a perfectly terrible week. My fancy retractable antenna was dangling from a long cord and dragged, lifeless on the ground beside my back tire.
"You have got to be F%$*ing KIDDING MEEeeeeeeeee!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that's what I yelled into the packed 5:00 pm gas station parking lot. Perfect. iPodless, cel phone-less, and now I don't even have a god-damned radio!!!!!!!!!!

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