12/15/08

C'mon Get Social Now

I threw my cell phone into the ocean today. It was swallowed by a whale who burped the tune "Have A Holly Jolly Christmas". I was hugged and loved by someone I wasn't quite sure about. I was uncomfortable. I was overwhelmed by a room full of chatty mothers, wild children and a dance instructor with a far greater threshold for stress than the entire committee of OPEC.
I admitted to having more than 4 social obligations in a weekend. And I did so like I was proud of it. Why would I be proud of being over committed? I secretly hated that I was over committed. Because what I really wanted was two whole days without any plans. Two whole "S" days of the week with my little family, wide open.
I put my head in a crate and pushed it down a steep embankment where it landed in a river of red wine. I seek out social, like a moth to the light. It encaptures my every being, I seek it out. And once I am there, once I am engulfed in everything that is society I FREAK OUT.
I dress the part, I crave the invitation. I revel in people. Until suddenly, I am surrounded. Until I am drowning in voices and sharing and caring and chaos and AUUUGHGHHHGHGHGH!!!!!!
I am a hermit in politician's clothing. I smile and wave and RSVP to every party but inside myself I am dressed in swishy black sweatpants curled up on my sofa, a glass of good zin in my hand and my sweet little family gathered around. I crave my life, uninterrupted.
Happy Hectic Holidays. I'm drowning. Are you?

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