Another hotel room. Another one of those annoying magnifying mirrors. Who invented those stupid things anyway?
Obviously a young person with impeccable skin.
And because I have no self control, I sucked my aging derma layers right up to it and realized what I already knew. I'm old. I have sunspots, age spots, wrinkles, fine lines, whatever you what to call it, getting older sucks ass.
And that absolutely idiotic woman at the hardware store last year who gushed (at Metallica decibels) on my birthday, "OH MY GOD, HONEY, LIFE ONLY GETS BETTER AFTER 30!") was of Italian Latino descent and had a flawless complexion. She was older, wiser, and looked the same way she had looked since she was 19. I hated her then and I hate her right this reflectionary minute.
Well, I don't look flawless. I have dry Irish German skin. I wrinkle like a cheap suit. I am the consumer every beauty product markets toward. Dry, wrinkly, and desperate.
We arrived in San Francisco a few days ago, and had lunch in Berkeley yesterday with my college roommate, a god damned 100% Portuguese Goddess. Thank God she was pregnant because all she was focused on was my abnormally thin ass. And all I could focus on was her unbelievably glowing complexion. Touche.
Let's hope this innovative city has come up with something magical for my wrinkled complexion. Stay tuned for the miracle solution I have yet to discover.
Obviously a young person with impeccable skin.
And because I have no self control, I sucked my aging derma layers right up to it and realized what I already knew. I'm old. I have sunspots, age spots, wrinkles, fine lines, whatever you what to call it, getting older sucks ass.
And that absolutely idiotic woman at the hardware store last year who gushed (at Metallica decibels) on my birthday, "OH MY GOD, HONEY, LIFE ONLY GETS BETTER AFTER 30!") was of Italian Latino descent and had a flawless complexion. She was older, wiser, and looked the same way she had looked since she was 19. I hated her then and I hate her right this reflectionary minute.
Well, I don't look flawless. I have dry Irish German skin. I wrinkle like a cheap suit. I am the consumer every beauty product markets toward. Dry, wrinkly, and desperate.
We arrived in San Francisco a few days ago, and had lunch in Berkeley yesterday with my college roommate, a god damned 100% Portuguese Goddess. Thank God she was pregnant because all she was focused on was my abnormally thin ass. And all I could focus on was her unbelievably glowing complexion. Touche.
Let's hope this innovative city has come up with something magical for my wrinkled complexion. Stay tuned for the miracle solution I have yet to discover.
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