4/22/09

Achhoooo! Again?

A direct quote from my firend, Ted, artist and loving father of his teenaged daughter, "I've never been sicker than I was the year that Samantha went to preschool!"
Have you experienced the joys of this horrific cold season? For shits and giggles I thought I'd share with you all the CRAP we've been infected with in the past 3 months.
Maybe this preschool thing is a BAD idea! Then again, no preschool would involve me at home with two toddlers 5 days a week....now that is a BAD idea.
So here's the CRAP list:
1. Colds, colds and more colds: this includes snot in varying shades of green followed by cough
2. More Coughing
3. Rotovirus
4. Pink Eye
5. Green Goopy Eye (yes, the eye itself emits a green snot, no pink involved)
6. MORE coughing, this time only at night
7. Another round of Rotovirus. But this time, I must digress: EVERYTHING about this illness is disgusting. It originates with fecal-mouth interaction and is highly contagious (EEeeeeeww!). This is followed by severe diarrhea, with a distinct odor, that happens to erupt at the most inconvenient times... like midnight, or midday while standing in line at the post office, on tax day, in white pants. And then, if you're really lucky (which we were) you also are visited by the puke fairy who brings with her vomit in all directions which also has the same distinct odor. Pukedy puke puke everywhere. Especially in the car. And the carseat. And the car door speakers.
8. MORE coughing! F&$%!!!!!
9. Mysterious open sore on face
10. Green Goopy Eye, Round three

Aside from realizing a few things about my level of patience between the hours of 11 pm and 6 am, I have learned a some useful items about caring for a sick family.
In times of need a mother's best friend, along with a stiff martini, is a bottle of bleach (that shit'll clean the environmentalist right outta ya).
Every child's room should be equipped with exactly four sets of bed sheets and an equal number of pajamas (for those nights).
Never, and I repeat, NEVER make a doctor's appointment for both of your children at one time. ALWAYS make the appointment for the sickest child and bring the other one along for examination once you've gotten past the bulldog receptionists. I repeat, GET TO THE EXAM ROOM, do not sign in two kids, do not consent to two co-pays! Now, if I could just follow my own damned advice...
And the #1 rule this cold season is to avoid infecting The Husband AT ALL COST. Because every good wife knows that it's ten times easier to deal with two sick kids than it is to deal with one sick husband.

No comments: