4/26/09

Holy Colon!

I got a wild hair today (and yes, it most definitely originated in my ass because that's the whole point of this story). So I got this wild hair to do a five day detoxification/colon/kidney cleanse. I know, I am loco.
So I googled "Natural Five Day Cleanse" and found some interesting articles about natural ways to cleanse the body in five days or less (5 days is all I can commit to because my weekends are in no way meant to be restricted). Additionally, I learned a few things about regularity, bowel movements, and my colon which I could live without. I just have the urge to purge, spring cleaning of the body, if you will. I want to detox my bod. Simple as that.
Because there is a diverse range of extremes in the cleansing world, from lemon juice and just plain old FASTING (isn't that practice reserved for those disciple guys in the Bible? I mean, who does THAT?) to self contained kits priced in the hundreds of dollars which come in fancy purple cardboard briefcases with a multitude of pills and a few shiny DVDs to talk you through entire eight months of cleansing every organ in your body, even your gall bladder! It was all so confusing!
The article I found most helpful was this one, http://ezinearticles.com/?A-Rejuvenating-5-Day-Body-Cleanse-Detox-Plan-To-Keep-You-Going&id=424595. And after reading it, John and I agreed on our own personal Self-Cleanse Approach to the upcoming five days which I will share with you:
Consuming 64 ounces of water each day, eliminating all fats (oils, butters, etc.) and any processed foods including dairy and meat. Our main focus being on fibrous natural foods, no alcohol (OMG), other items we will allow for consumption are juices, fruits, vegetables, legumes, potatoes and simple whole grains such as rolled oats (what the hell do you do with plain oatmeal?), and brown rice. Monday through Friday. Did I mention no alcohol? (OMG!).
Some items we are considering but have not yet decided upon are the daily addition of psillium (a natural laxative which could add some complications...), introducing Probiotics after the first 2 days to boost our digestive system, and the use of coffee. This last item is a hot topic because both of us enjoy the routine doctoring of our morning cupS of coffee: steamed milk or cream, sugar, the occasional shot of whiskey... We haven't decided if black coffee is really worth the added "toxins" or if plain green tea is an acceptable alternative.
I read that people claim they need less sleep during a cleansing period because it requires less energy to break down all the meats and other fatty hard-to-digest items of the average daily diet. With this information, I have renewed hope that our laundry might finally get done.
More information to follow, namely, what the hell we will be eating over the next five days!

1 comment:

NewportJaime said...

If you are brave, just shoot that coffee up your butt.

http://www.ineedcoffee.com/01/enema/

When considering, be sure to read the risks at the bottom of page 2!