The Part-Time Mommy

Apparently, without realizing, I have double booked myself for the month of May. I say this because I have committed my personal agenda to several social obligations for the past few weekends while forgetting that my body double really needs to be at home with my daughters. They have become a complete disaster. They can't eat, they won't sleep, they're exhausted, crabby and over needy. This part-time mommy thing really is a vicious circle: the more I spend time away, the worse they get, and upon my return and realization that it is my absence that caused this horrific scene, I arrive at the conclusion that the one thing I crave to remedy the situation is a repeat getaway from them. Hmm.
My mathematical theory to surviving part-time motherhood: Multiply the Number of Days Absent, by the Number of Children Involved, adjust accordingly for Intensity of Parenting upon your return, and there you have The Total Number of Days of complete chaos before life can resume Normalcy in both routine and behavior.
So, how does a stay at home mom with no social life have such a hectic social calendar void of Elmo birthday parties? Last weekend was the complete disaster overnight for Wine Festival (see previous entry) followed by my sister's Bridal Shower (that would be 27 hours child free, thanks to grandparents), and the more recent was the planning and hosting of a three day bachelorette weekend for my sister (a whopping 95 hours completely kid less thanks to my darling hubby).
And you're all nodding your heads in disgust at my luxurious lifestyle but lemme tell you, life is total HELL for me since I returned. The kids are a mess, I'm more exhausted and out of practice than ever and I have a three day hangover that won't quit.
And as I look ahead to the onslaught of more wedding obligations this month, I'm realizing that my "real job" is not conducive to the behaviors and public upkeep of a social butterfly. Facials, pedicures, hair appointments, wax jobs, obsessive shopping for the right shoes, the right jewelry, the perfect rehearsal dinner outfit (you'd think it was my own damned wedding!). I mean, what kind of mom has the time for all this shit???!!!!!
I have a looming four weeks of Maid of Honor beauty maintenance while juggling my bedraggled children and then I'll hand them their flower baskets, and we'll all stroll down that aisle before The Bride, armed with the knowledge that this wedding signifies a return to normalcy, and bedtime routines...and full-time motherhood...and anti-social weekends....and blackheads.

1 comment:

NewportJaime said...

Whenever I become stressed with raising my children, I watch an episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight on The Learning Channel (and YouTube). It is a realty show that documents the lives of a couple with EIGHT children. They have twins who are nine years old and sextuplets who are five years old. After watching that horror show, I don't fell bad about dealing with my children.