A Mom's Week in Review

It started with the nail polish. The black nail polish bottle that somehow cracked open and burst its unremovable contents all over the 13 foot wool rug in the living room.
This incident was followed by explosive poo on the girls' carpeted bedroom floor.
(Never mind the fact that last month I insisted on shampooing the carpets, furniture, AND rugs in our house)
The next day was Scream Your Head Off in Public Day.(Didn't you hear?) This theme was emphasized during the muy importante phone conversation with a bank lender regarding pur potential refinance. Uhm yeah, WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
The carpool kid slammed her finger in the car door on my watch. Can we say FIRED?!
This morning, while visiting with a neighbor in the driveway, my angelic almost five year old took a pink crayon to the rims of my car. Oh hell no.
And finally, the all too unforgettable, under no circumstances does any partially sane mother offer to take a THIRD child to Costco for lunch and shopping in addition to her own tired and hungry brood (trust me, I know this NOW).
Having threatened them with their lives if they so much as thought about getting out of the cart, I managed to accumulate over a half ton of merchandise wedged in, on and between three toddlers. They sampled everything from crab dip to licorice sticks and still managed to find a reason to screech like eagles throughout the store. We added at least an extra hour to the trip in Chinese Fire Drills. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MAY YOU GET OUT OF THE CART.
I heaved my three ton vessel up to the check out and released my prisoners....who immediately ran from me in every direction with their hands tucked inside their shirts screaming like wild ninnies and body bumping eachother every chance they got. One armless toddler fell to the dangerously hard concrete floor, her head just centimeters from a trip to the emergency room.
The checker glanced over her shoulder and then looked my aching, limp body up and down before saying, "I never drank as much as I did when my kids were that age." And then she wagged her head in the direction of the three girls, laying armless on the concrete, shrieking at the top of their lungs.
So which aisle does Costco sample the tequila shots?

1 comment:

JO said...

Oh my, you made me feel SO MUCH better about my week - which was pretty mucht the equivalent of yours - except, just my kids, no additional kiddos for me.