Top Ten Things I'm Pondering Today

#1. Why my husband insists on growing a beard every harvest. (Eeew, creepy!)
#2. For my entire natural born life, my parents never swore in front of us as kids. Why is it that now, at 32 years of age, my dad has taken to educating me on the countless uses for the word F&$!?
#3. When asked what she wanted for her birthday, my almost five year old daughter responded with, "Um, like, a cel phone??"
#4. Since finalizing the latest vasectomy, I've suddenly realized that not only will I never be graced with a bulging baby stomach, but that I'm going to be a PMSing PSYCHO every 28 days for the next TWENTY-TWO YEARS!!!!AAUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
#5. Since harvest began, I've realized that loneliness does not become me, nor does single parenting. Both drive me to drink. A lot.
#6. Is there a way to speed up menopause?
#7. What is up with my dog's anal glands?
#8. If you ignore the dust on your floors long enough, does it eventually get bored and disappear?
#9. Coffee and beer are the spice of life. Vodka is the answer to every problem.
#10. Shout not only removes black nail polish from wool rugs, but can also remove the pen ink stains from a load of wash, AND, when used in conjunction with a wool brush, remove permanent pink Sharpie from flagstone patios. (Maybe I should hire a nanny.)

1 comment:

JO said...

1. No shit!! Mine shaved his last week, and what do you know - it worked for him!!! IYKWIM!
3. Mine has been acting like a teenager lately and I am starting to have panic attacks that she is only 4-it can't happen this soon with the snotty crappy behavior!
4. I hear ya.
5. Amen, sister!
6. Amen, again!
7. Don't have that problem!
9. If I said Amen again, would that redundant?
10. Good to know - thanks!