10/15/09

Dragon Girl Came To Town

The single parenting life is wearing me down. And apparently has an equal or greater effect on my children. Yesterday, Shelby's alter ego "Dragon Girl" came to visit. For over an hour our entire household burst at the seems with the deafening shreeks that can be produced from the depths of five year old lungs. Dragon Girls lips turn a deep shade of violet when she reaches the climax of her rage. Some windows were broken, only one neighbor called the police. My ego was beaten down into the resemblance of a flea. The carpet was smoking.
Dragon Girl made an exit to her room after slamming her door multiple times (apparently her Dragon Strength was waining at this point). Thankfully, silence settled over our house again, and after a few minutes, Shelby emerged from her bedroom, leaving Dragon Girl to roam the Earth, once more. Now, about that carpet...
Later that same day, Dragon Girl returned just as we were leaving the park! (Rats, foiled again) That little $%?@! refused to get in the car. (Fine by me. I closed the doors and put the key in the ignition, who needs Dragon Girl burning up my interior anyways?)
She threw on her super screaming megaphone and blasted my windows out, then clambered into Shelby's car seat and proceeded to wail at the top of her lungs the entire 15 minute drive home...or maybe it was a 15 hour drive. Whatever it was, there wasn't any traffic because the cars kept pulling over to the right every time we approached.
When I got near our street, I was so fed up with these visits from Dragon Girl that I decided to try on my own alter ego.
Dunh-Duh-Duh-DUNH.
Enter, Monster MOM.
Monster Mom tried out her screaming voice in the car for a change. And she thought it felt pretty good. So she screamed until she pulled the car into the driveway. And then, she screamed a bit more while both kids were still strapped in-a captive audience can be very fulfilling. Dragon Girl was looking pale.
"I've HHHHHAAAADDDDDD IT with Dragon Girl! She's GOT TO GO!" yelled Monster Mom.
But Dragon Girl had something else in mind. And she mustered up all her strength, and belted out the loudest, longest, "STTTOOOOOPPPPPPP SCREEAAAMMMINNNGGG AT MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the entire neighborhood has ever heard. It was so loud, her seat belt buckles exploded right there. It was so long, the ceiling liner in our car began to smoke.
Monster Mom was already gone(what kinda superhero is she?). I was left to my own devices. I rifled through every privilege in the book and then threatened them all in one fell swoop. In my most calm and collected voice I offered "Get in the house and go to your room for 5 minutes,......please."
And it worked! Dragon Girl made her final exit for the day.
Until next time, Dragon Girl...

1 comment:

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

Wow. I don't want to ever see Dragon Girl in person. Yikes!