Match Maker, Match Maker, Make Me a Match

I have been cyberdating for rescue pets lately. Yep, my broken heart over my Kiley dog is finally ready to entertain the idea of finding a new puppy. And trust me, my family has been ready and waiting for me to catch on to the idea of a new dog for quite some time.
So I dragged myself to the Internet pet match making world and filled out my personal form, trying all the while not to over analyze the implication of this act. My conscience was screaming at me, "Get serious, woman, can you imagine what your dilapidated sofa will look like with puppy teeth in it? Say hello to midnight piddles and goodbye landscaping! Are you SURE you are ready to potty train ANOTHER baby? Your youngest is just wearing panties for the first time this month! What are you THINKING???!?!!!?!!?!!!"
I plugged my inner ears and continued to fill in the blanks on my pet match maker form:
"Female dog lover/ family of four/ loves taking long walks on the dog beach at sunset, prefers active runs to lazy naps, loves water, tolerates poop pick up, and enjoys long soapy baths in the yard...." you get the idea.
The form was rather specific, inquiring about the length and height of my fences (I tried not to take this too personally, if you know what I mean). Apparently, size does matter. Asking if any member of our family exhibit behavior problems...
The part where they asked if you had ever owned a dog was easy to check "Yes" as I misted over the memory of my 9 year old lab now buried beneath a shady walnut tree in a fruitful vineyard in Paso Robles. Bless her happy soul. I still really miss her.
But then the form asked, What happened to your last pet: A. Died of natural causes B. Hit by a car C. Gave up for adoption D. Died of illness
Oh gosh. The mere act of highlighting option 'B' was painful. HIT BY A CAR. Really?
Really. (It was an accident, Kiley slipped, she didn't mean to fall under the wheel, she was just playing chase...)
It took me over an hour to complete the form and then another hour to linger over the SUBMIT button, considering and reconsidering my readiness for pet dating.
I did it. And before I could open a cold beer with which to wash away my sorrows(and that annoying Anti-Puppy Conscience screaming about my white rugs), I heard "You've Got Mail!" blaring from the computer.
It was the illustrious pet match maker. She wanted to know more about the death of our dog. And I quote, "was she off leash? Did she jump the fence? Please explain..."
Now I felt like the inquisition was knocking. Couldn't she just consult her magic ball? She may have just come out and asked, was it YOUR FAULT that your dog died an untimely death???
I took the liberty at this time to write, edit, and rewrite the happy and sad tale of my dear Kiley from her first day in my arms to her last dying breath. It was a LONG nine year life and I took my sweet time describing and reliving every last detail. More misting.
The following day I received a sympathy response from her honor, pet match maker lady. She was sorry to learn of Kiley's tragic death and would let me know any progress on our match maker application soon....right after she called our vet's office and checked our references. Wow, this is serious shit; Pet Matching.
We are awaiting news on the possibility of adopting a rescued puppy. If you or anyone you know is interested in entering the cyber pet match making world, check out this website for a rescued pet near you:
I will be sure to keep updated news on any progress we make in the match making world of pets. Stay tuned.

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

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