Happy Halloweenie!!!!

My Muses:


Am I Running With Scissors?

My Week In Review:
(I realize today is Wednesday but I am a stay-at-home mom so what the hell does TGIF mean to me?!)
1. The modern woman begins at home, with my 1 year old. This week Ana has discovered lipstick (or, as my 4 year old deems it, "Lisstick", which sounds far more heavenly in my opinion). She has taken to carrying around any form of chapstick or lipstick she can find and obsessively applying, reapplying and re-reapplying as often as possible. And her special talent this week is that she can unscrew anything, including child proof gummies, if given the opportunity. Yesterday, instead of the chapstick, she adopted a ColorWonder marker (blue and white, just like daddy's favorite chapstick) and applied, reapplied and re-reapplied it to her lips, our leather dining chairs and anything that didn't move too quickly in our house (including the dog). Thank you Crayola, for bringing miracles to a mother's world.
2. Thoughtfulness can be a learned behavior. With time and preparation, I actually possess the ability to be thoughtful!!! I gave away the second batch of pumpkin bread to an unexpected visitor. I arrived at my friend's home with a bag full of baked goods and two steaming cups of coffee. There, see? Thoughtfulness is not a genetic trait-it can be learned.
3. I'm going to cosmetology school. Well, no, not actually, but I've convinced my husband I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up and that some sort of further education is definitely on my list of considerations. He actually asked me when I planned to go back to teaching? WHAT?! I have to pick a job after this blissful thing I celebrate each day as "Motherhood"? I thought my next step was retirement...cruises, facials, and lots of golf.
4. I'm a better DJ than I gave myself credit. Here are just a few of my favorites:
a. Donovan Frankenreiter
b. Blue Merle
c. Colbie Caillat
d. John Meyer
e. Diego's Umbrella
f. The Waifs
g. Indigo Girls
h. Sandre Lerche
i. Tom Waits
j. Phoenix
5. Hosting Great Baby Showers-and it will be great-can be all consuming sometimes. My kids have eaten carrots and ranch dressing (Ana has eaten only the latter course) and mac n'cheese for three nights while I brainstorm decorating themes and ideas online.
6. Slamming Doors and Flailing Thumbs DO NOT MIX. Yesterday, I juggled a kamikaze baby, a bag full of library books and my ginormous purse and lost track of where my thumb had traveled. I managed to crush the tip of my poor little thumb in the car door. It happened so fast I didn't realize it was my own digit caught in the door so I yanked, hoping my bag or my sleeve, or whatever was caught in the door would come loose. I yanked so hard I pulled part of the skin off. It hurt so badly I almost fainted on the spot. Then I ran towards the house while moaning like a banshee, abandoning my children in our driveway screaming something like, "Shelby, make sure Ana doesn't go in the street!". I fell onto the sofa where I nearly vomited and shit myself at once. Then I broke into a sweat and stripped down. I think they call that shock. My husband made a mid day drive home for me while I downed Motrin and beer, called the ER and wrapped my throbbing, purple thumb in a bag of Lima Beans (what else are those things good for?). Being thumbless is an occupational hazard in my line of work as it is impossible to change a diaper, put in pigtails or unscrew a sippy cup.
7. I discovered my 14 month old speaks English. Well, at least she understands it. It's funny how you have a baby and you get so used to dragging the pour thing around everywhere that you forget they are a person, too. Every day this week I have learned something new about my 14 month old baby girl. Thursday, she likes lisstick. Friday, she prefers to walk upright instead of crawling. Saturday, teething makes her snotty and incredibly irritable and she can't sleep so neither can we. Sunday, Motrin rocks. Monday, she follows directions. Whoa. (well, let's be honest, that'll last about a month) Tuesday, she knows all the motions to "If You're Happy and You Know It".
8. My family loves brussel sprouts. This statement is layered with pride and substance. It represents my aspirations to expose my family to a healthful, varied diet that includes meals we share together. It also allows me, as mom, to speak for my family as a whole, a unit, a team. because we are. We enjoy each other, we work well together, and we have a whole lot of love going on in our wee tiny house. And for me, that is the utmost achievement in my line of work.

I am not channeling Augusten Burroughs but sometimes I wonder what life would be like in a normal family. Because my family is the farthest hing from normal.