4/4/09

The Inconvenience of it all

This week began as any other week does for us, on a Monday. When John and I crossed paths that evening, we capitalized on the movie magic that was drawing our children in to a silent gaze as they stood, side-by-side, mid-action, staring up into the screen at whatever it was that caught their interest.
"I wanted to ask you about the rest of your week, namely, Thursday," I whispered (because we all know that this moment will crash and burn the minute your children realize you're making adult progress at anything-peeing, cooking, or the supreme sin, adult conversation).
"Oh, yeah," says John, leaning his head back in his 'I forgot to tell you my plans again' way, and continues, "That dinner I have to do happens to be Thursday night."
Because I couldn't have chosen a less convenient day of the week to schedule a fabulous, relaxing, quiet hair appointment (auuggh, bliss). Because that's how my week is gonna progress: INCONVENIENTLY. I should have seen the signs.
And then he sealed the deal with, "And there's another dinner I'm invited to attend on Wednesday night."
More INCONVENIENCE.
And as our week stumbled along, I began to add up the true meaning of two evening affairs on consecutive days: Single parenting on my part. Single life on his. And with that, Wednesday morning arrived, his bags were packed and although he commutes nearly an hour every morning and every night, neither of us could fathom making that long drive at a presumably late hour only to make the drive again the following morning. So he stayed at work from Wednesday morning until Friday afternoon. Hmmm. Where does that leave me?
Fast forward to the part where I'm sitting at the Med-Stop with two kids for TWO hours. True to my theme, extremely INCONVENIENT. Only to be ushered into a windowless waiting room for another 30 minutes. Do you have any idea what forms of entertainment I had to resort to in that closet of a space? Thank god for latex gloves and blood pressure cuffs!
Frazzled and starving, the girls and I made our way home by way of the local pharmacy, where we had to pick up prescriptions...and a lot of beer.
Well past 7 p.m. (which means well past dinner/bath/bed time), we arrived home.
Fast forward to today, when my dear friend demanded my attendance on an afternoon shopping spree. With too little time to muster up much guilt, and enough time to be sure hubby was situated with one child napping, I tromped on the gas and sped away with a flash!
And after three hours of heaven, my phone rang....I should answer it, I shouldn't answer it, I should answer it.
And then the miracle happened, my husband said the following words, "We are having so much fun, the baby is still napping, don't hurry home."
Wait, let me type this once more, "Don't hurry home."
And after hanging up, I grabbed my cel phone, my watch, my friend's cel phone and the clock off the store wall and lit them all on fire right there in the middle of my dressing room and danced the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!
And then, three more hours passed...
And then, I left my friends, loaded my treasures in the car and headed home, uneasy about the phone call I was about to make.
First I practiced what to say, "I just want you to know that I'm alright, but there's been an accident"....too harsh.
"It wasn't me, it was H. She held me hostage in the Ralph Lauren Linen department and wouldn't let me leave until she discovered the perfect shade of pink"...too ridiculous.
"There was a fire, and then a flood, and then a 50% OFF Sale!"...hmmm.
"Hello?" said John on the other end of the line.
Here goes, the moment of truth. I anxiously glanced at the clock in my car (the only timepiece that survived the fire), 7:04. I winced at the realization that I had left our house at 1:30.
"Um, hi" I half smiled, "I just want to say I am SO sorry I am late. I am on the highway headed for home. I completely lost track of time after the Happy Dance-I mean, after we talked earlier."
And then, once again, my husband said the most amazing words, "We're down on the beach, having a blast. THe weather's beautiful, the girls are happy, no worries. Why don't you pick us all up when you get here and we'll go out for tacos?!"
OMG, I LOVE THIS MAN. I LOVE THIS MAN. A perfectly convenient ending to an INCONVENIENT week.

4/2/09

Goodnight My Darlings

Goodnight My Little Darlings,
Your Soft Slumber Starts,
I could gaze all night-
Be still my heart.

Goodnight My Little Darlings,
I am so lucky in my place,
as your mother I fall in love
every time I see your face.

Goodnight My Little Darlings,
Sleep tight while I clean,
and tidy and pick up
all your little girl things.

Goodnight My Little Darlings,
I'll tuck you in tight,
my heart swells to see
your sweet little sight.

Goodnight My Little Darlings,
my first and my last,
my babies who are
growing up so fast.

4/1/09

Growing A Butterfly, Just Add Water!

Did you know that you can order LIVE caterpillar larvae online? WHO DOES THAT?
I do. It began with a birthday present for a family friend's daughter. World Alive makes several science minded kits in bright colored boxes that make great gifts for kids. The one we purchased is called "Fascinations Butterfly Kit with a Super-View Habitat Included".
When Shelby got her hands on the gift to be given, she couldn't stop talking about "Growing A Butterfly"! Upon further inspection, I realized I misunderstood the product. I wrongly assumed that the caterpillars were freeze dried inside the box, waiting for their new owner to "Just Add Water" and grow some butterflies!
Okay, maybe I'm not THAT dumb...but I didn't think this gift through until I had gotten it home. And with further inspection, discovered the 4 Easy Steps on the package, where #1 Easy Step is ordering your caterpillar eggs online. Now, THAT would be a job....
World Alive Carterpillar Manager, Job Description: hunting cabbage fields and apple orchards in search of innocent newborn caterpillars to abduct (aka professional kidnapper).
Back to my point. If you are a crazy mom looking for some scientific entertainment, like I am, here is the site where you can order some painted lady butterflies in their larvae state. www.carolina.com/world-alive Based on my research, DO NOT order the white cabbage caterpillars (they are considered a pest). Stick to the painted ladies. And if you're in the market for a preserved organism, be sure to check out their advertisement for "The Best Preserved Cats-There's No Substitute". Hilarious. Oh yeah, this "Experiment" is reasonably priced-less than $10 for five painted ladies...cheaper than Vegas.

3/30/09

The Nature of The Beast

"Win a year's worth of flowers, from 1-800-flowers, valued at $1000."
Yeah, RIGHT.



I have "Registered to Win" on Lucky Magazine's website for the past 39 days. Is this obsessive? Absolutely.



Each morning, I rise with the anxiety of an an addict in search of a fix, logging onto the website and typing my information (with eyes closed) at lighting speed into the tiny boxes of their registration form. And then, a rush of calm overtakes me.



My motivation? A free wedding gift. Yep, it's that bad. My sister is getting married this summer and although she has already booked her entire honeymoon, for some reason the lure of a "Grand Prize Hawaiian Vacation" has me hooked on winning it for her benefit. And then of course, there are those Manolo Blahnicks and diamond earrings...



Lucky Magazine is conducting 45 days worth of giveaways, with over 2100 prizes-the grand prize being a Hawaiian Vacation. Participants register each day for said prize and after 45 days of "Give Aways" Lucky Magazine claims they will notify all the winners(meticulously keeping each day's list of entries organized into coordinating categories with said daily prize). Here's a sampling of each day's booty:
The beauty of this contest is that on most days, the prize is offered to more than one winner (Three lucky winners will receive a Yellow Vintage Cruiser Bike, valued at $700). The downfall is that no matter how many obsessive mornings I register, I still may win nothing, or worse, one bottle of body oil, worth a measly 20 bucks.

And now you're asking yourself why I never shared this information with you so that you could obsessively register to win a bottle of body oil?! And I did. Back in February, I shared the link with you here: http://culturednativity.blogspot.com/2009/02/confessions-of-shopaholic.html
You just obviously value your time and your self worth more than I do. You know for a fact what I am daring to deny: No one wins anything in these silly contests and the winners are never announced and the prizes not awarded but rather absorbed into employee benefits and Christmas Bonuses for those Lucky Employees (a double entendre, don't you think?).
When have you ever met anyone who said, "Hey, I just won a new Ford Explorer at Vons today!" Never.
"I opened a can of Coke this afternoon and it exploded with confetti and then a voice recording announced that I was the Grand Prize winner of $100,000!!!!" Never.
What about the McDonald's Monopoly Game? Never.
It's all a farce. Myth. Something the government obviously hasn't the time to regulate. "Arrest those Lucky Magazine Editor's! They stole my Kate Spade Clutch prize!"
I am preparing to go through withdrawals after tomorrow's final registration day. 45 days of solid morning registrations (like sun salutations). I'll be plummeting to rock bottom this time tomorrow, cold sweats, nausea. An absolute mess until I find my next fix, a new registration form, another contest. I heard HGTV has a MILLION DOLLAR HOME Give Away, maybe I'll check that out...