1/30/09

Wrinkles and Reflections

Another hotel room. Another one of those annoying magnifying mirrors. Who invented those stupid things anyway?
Obviously a young person with impeccable skin.
And because I have no self control, I sucked my aging derma layers right up to it and realized what I already knew. I'm old. I have sunspots, age spots, wrinkles, fine lines, whatever you what to call it, getting older sucks ass.
And that absolutely idiotic woman at the hardware store last year who gushed (at Metallica decibels) on my birthday, "OH MY GOD, HONEY, LIFE ONLY GETS BETTER AFTER 30!") was of Italian Latino descent and had a flawless complexion. She was older, wiser, and looked the same way she had looked since she was 19. I hated her then and I hate her right this reflectionary minute.
Well, I don't look flawless. I have dry Irish German skin. I wrinkle like a cheap suit. I am the consumer every beauty product markets toward. Dry, wrinkly, and desperate.
We arrived in San Francisco a few days ago, and had lunch in Berkeley yesterday with my college roommate, a god damned 100% Portuguese Goddess. Thank God she was pregnant because all she was focused on was my abnormally thin ass. And all I could focus on was her unbelievably glowing complexion. Touche.
Let's hope this innovative city has come up with something magical for my wrinkled complexion. Stay tuned for the miracle solution I have yet to discover.

1/28/09

A Suitable Wardrobe "To Go"

I already started packing-2 days in advance-for a trip to San Francisco. I am neurotic. Normal people do not obsess about what they're going to wear in the future. The only justification I can give is that I want to be sure I don't need any additional items before I go. Because, the fashion industry is far superior here in SLO than a major metropolis like San Francisco, right.
Picture me, fashionably dressed for the five days I am attempting to wrangle both kids around the city. Yeah, those black suede stilletos are sure to come in handy.

1/27/09

2009 Blogger's Choice Awards

I would like to accept this nomination on behalf of my muses, my beautiful daughters.
Okay, seriously, I'm still totally inept in cyberspace and the only thing I have going for me is that I am literate. And I can type.
And with these two skills I plan to conquer the world. Or at least say thank you for nominating this blog for several categories for the 2009 Blogger's Choice Awards.
Since the 2008 Blogger's Choice Awards have ended, I suppose this means I will be expected to maintain this blog for the entirety of 2009. Thanks, I think.

1/26/09

It's No Secret

Recently, I've accumulated a mountain of clothing items which have lost a button. I'm reading this as a significant metaphor to my life. Somehow, I managed to not lose said buttons but retained them for later mending. And even more miraculous is the fact that I just finished sewing each respective button onto it's origin of clothing.

Sewing is therapeutic. There's the needle, the thread and your thoughts. Here's a few of mine pertaining to the past few weeks as I sat and sewed my life together, I mean my sweaters. I've decided to appoint each event as the fictional title of a book:

#1. The Poo Detective: A Case of The Anywhere Chair

#2. There's Wax in My Rug (interpret as necessary, not suitable for children)

#3. Tapas For Two, A Tale of Two Lovers in Napa

#4. The Girls And The Gray Hair at Madame Bouffante's, an endearing tale lasting 2 hours.

and the sequel,

#5. Look, I Have The Hairdo of A News Reporter!

#6. Confessions of A Shopaholic, The Tragic Quest of One Woman's Hunt For The Perfect Wardrobe

#7. The Enigma of Hand-Me-Down Panties, Why I Accepted